


I Should Have Loved You Better

by Red_Rose_Anonymia



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Character Death, F/M, Giving Up, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Major character death - Freeform, Shameless, Suicide, implied suicide, shameless suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 20:35:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19236619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Rose_Anonymia/pseuds/Red_Rose_Anonymia
Summary: After bottling up emotions for so long, they explode. The world would be better off without you. Unless you were someone’s entire world to them.(A slightly late night rant on life and implied irl)





	I Should Have Loved You Better

He should have seen it coming. There were signs everywhere. She cried, even though she didn't think she could pull it off either. But here she was, crying in his arms as she tried to keep a steady breath. There was blood pooling around them like a crimson lake. What she did shocked everyone, upset and blamed themselves. But no one was more upset than Connor. He could only blame himself for her condition. She looked up at the Android and his chestnut eyes. ___ shivered, he could read her heart rate increasing. There was trembling on her lips as she was heard the wail of an ambulance, her heart raced as she tried to come to terms with death. She shook as she looked at what she would miss. If she died, she will never see snow again, no more flowers blooming or night under stars. She no longer have a chance to have a family with Connor, no longer having a chance to be together. "I'm dying..." she whispered.  
"No no, you'll be fine," Connor replied, "you just need to get better." He knew she bottled up her emotions time to time, he saw all the signs, but didn't think she would go through with it. He cried as her cradled the (h/c) in his arms. Her mental health shattered completely, no matter how much he tried to fix it. He did everything he could to help, but it wasn't enough. Connor didn't know whether to blame her overbearing, helicopter parents, her, or himself. He watched as she was placed on the gurney and rolled into the back. He held her hand the whole time, scared if he let go he would lose her. ____ kept a semi-steady breath as she trembled looking at him, her drowsy eyes fading in and out of darkness. "I don't think I'm enough.... it's my fault," she said.  
"No, you'll be fine," he replied, "you're okay, sweetheart." She shook her head. A part of him wanted to agree it was her fault for all this. If she didn't self-loath constantly! If she took better care of herself! If she were more assure and more positive about things! If! If! If! It relayed in his cybernetic head, but his deviant soul wouldn't allow it and could just blame himself. They warned him about her, Hank even caution him a year in how childish she was. It just made him see it as an added challenge to overcome. Thought it would be like deviancy... He told himself. He held her head as they rode to the hospital. Her heart rate decreased rapidly. Her (e/c) eyes drooped.  
'I think it's better this way' She thought. 'No one will have to deal with me anymore...' She rationalized. 'I won't annoy people at work... I wouldn't be a burden to others, no more picking up my slack... no more getting scolded... no more crying... no more running... no more crying when things don't go my way... no more people who hate me....' The words repeating in her head, "no more, no more, no more". She wouldn't cause drama or trouble. No one in her community of niche people would have to listen to her complaints. She wouldn’t make people uncomfortable. No more childish antics. No more crying from people giving critics. She wouldn’t have witch hunts after her by social media. She wouldn’t rely on social media as a need of self worth. She wouldn't be upset when she didn't do anything right. She would no longer upset anyone or made them hate her, upset them that they feel uncomfortable. She thought of the people in her community, she thought she belonged to, but knew she was wrong. She questioned herself whether they would be celebrating her death or go on with life like it was nothing. What about her family? She couldn’t think whether they would be upset or relieved they didn’t have to provide her her anymore. Maybe once gone they didn’t have to deal with her antics and lack of growing responsible. The (h/c) looked back and all she could see were the mistakes she made in her life. Surely, most would shrug at her death. Those she accidentally angered would, surely, be happy they wouldn’t have to deal with her anymore. The (h/c) questioned if Connor would, too, move on. Most likely be happier with an Android like himself, who would be able to live forevermore. It was only a matter of time till she would be forgotten through time. ___ looked at the rush of people over her. No more strength to keep going. The (h/c) human stared blankly before closing her eyes giving up. Rationalizing the good of her death and how it could be best for everyone around her. Her chewed her lip, before exhaling with a physical deep breath through her nose. Conflicting thoughts ran through her brain whether to continue the fight to live, or let it be. She debating if there was a reason to live. ___ didn’t know what to think as her health diminished. Then the flat line of her declining heart beat and the darkness as she felt her tears roll down her face. 'This is for the best... for everyone.' Her last conflicting thoughts. 

"Princess...? Hey... you're okay. M'lady...?" He called out to her, no response. "___!"  
"Please wake up ___!" He begged.  
Connor cried as he held her hand, begging her to wake up. He cried and argued with the medical staff to not unplug the equipment, to try and revive her. Anything to have his princess back! 'Princess... I couldn't save you..." he thought. He cried, placing her lifeless hand against his cheek. Tears streamed his face, something he didn't think he had. Of course, artificial. But how he wished they were real. If this was sadness, he didn't want anything to do with it. This is a time he believed deviancy was a curse. He wanted to bargain with death, with anyone! He would do anything just to have her back! Connor internally wished, prayed, bargained;anything to have her in his life again! To see her happy and alive, he would exchange his life for hers. Humans were fragile creatures with only one life. Once they are gone, they're gone. His life was eternal. Connor could come back, he was a machine. He was alive, of course, but could easily comeback. His precious ____ never can. After five years of being alive... he wished he wasn't. 

He couldn't visit her till now. It was too much to bare. He didn't think he could be here, at her grave. His brown eyes turned up to the cherry blossom tree, a favourite of hers. A quirk she had for admiring the message of flowers. A time he could recall of her talking about the oddest things that gave her a warm smile that melted his artificial skin away. He didn't think he could this long without her in his life. She was everywhere in his life, memories of being together embedded into his circuitry. No matter where he went, he saw her face. Where he went, a piece of her appeared. Connor kneeled at his lover’s grave as he swallowed the lump in his throat. The Android dug a small hole with his hands by the tree. The tears filled his eyes and blurred his vision. The artificial liquid rolled down his cheeks as he reconstructed his memory of her into a holographic image. His memories played out as he smiled at her. He grunted as he pulled out his Thirium pump, placing it into the hole. He patted the soil as Connor ignored the countdown forming at the corner of his eye. The brunette man struggled as he crawled to the trunk of the tree, leaning upright against it. He steadied his breaths, like he had oxygen to fill. He smiled as he slumped. Connor hoped if he could love her again he would help her through better, he wouldn’t have been so rash. Maybe in another life, he would help her through it better. She would handle life by the reigns. He could only hope Heaven allowed Androids. He silently prayed to every God he could think of to reunite him to her.  
"I'm coming ___," he whispered, "I will help you better..." Her ghostly figure wrapped her arms around the lonely Android as she cried into the crook of his neck. "I give you my heart ___..." he whispered, “I love you...”


End file.
